The Karaoke Lexicon (a.k.a. Varaoke)

Sometimes (tho' not too often) the IQ of a committee actually exceeds the standard formula: take the IQ of the most intelligent person in the group and divide by the total number of people to get the IQ of the committee as a whole.

This is one such example of the exception to the rule. Dog & Pony want to thank all of our friends and fellow SoundChoice Board Members for pitching in to create this fun lil' lexicon of karaoke terms.

Special Thanks to Tony, one of the co-founders of the yahoo club karaoke universe who has compiled this:

KARAOKE DICTIONARY

ACCOMPANIST
Someone who always has to play an instrument (i.e. harmonica), bang on the table or clap along during one’s song.

AQUASCHMUCH
Someone who goes to karaoke and drinks only water to avoid spending money… Can easily be identified, as they are usually the biggest complainers about the rotation.

ARHYTHMIA IDIOTICA
The one guy who always claps out of rhythm with the rest of the crowd, just to annoy others.

AUDIO DEFICIT
When the music fades out, but words are still left on the screen to sing.

AUDIO REPEATUS
Hearing the same some twice in one night.

AUDIOMANIAC
A KJ that runs back and forth, adjusting the sound every minute as if they were running the Boston Marathon.

AUDIOPHOOL
Someone who knows nothing about audio, but always tries to tell the KJ how to run the sound.

AUDITORY DELUSION
When someone actually thinks cupping their hand over their ear makes them sound better.

BARELYOKE
When someone sings into the microphone and you still can’t hear them.

BATHROOM BREAK
A song, whenever performed, no matter how well performed, induces a customer, or customers to head to the bathroom, outside, or anywhere else away from the karaoke singing space.

BLAREOKE
When it’s obvious that the music is TOO DAMN LOUD!!!

BLOODYMARYOKE
Any show that lasts until daylight.

BOHEMIA NERVOSA
The irresistible urge to bang one’s head in the instrumental break of Bohemian Rhapsody.

BOOGIE COMPULSION
A disorder, which compels otherwise conservative individuals to stampede blindly to the dance floor when someone sings “Play that funky music”.

CAVE DWELLER
Someone who wraps their hand around the mic, thinking it looks cool, completely unaware that it makes their voice sound like they’re singing “Aqualung”.

CHAIREOKE
Any person who has to sit down while they sing so that they can effectively hide behind the monitor.

CLAPPUS ALONUS
When you are the only one clapping.

CLAPPUS FALSALARMUS
Accidentally clapping for the dance music. This is usually paired with the aforementioned CLAPPUS ALONUS and usually followed by CLAPPUS INTERUPTUS.

CLAPPUS INTERUPTUS
Clapping, then suddenly stopping because the song isn’t over.

COURTESY CLAP
Applause that only happens because the audience is glad the song is over.

DANCE RE-MIX
A disc, that always skips during a performance.

DAREOKE
Similar to SCARYOKE, but it was your friend that picked the song.

DEDICATION
Any ballad sung in hopes of gaining female companionship for the evening.

DORKAPELLA
Someone who continues to sing even when the song is over, and refuses to stop until the KJ or the next singer grabs the mic from them.

DOUBLE TAKE
A singer who always misses the first part of the song, and the host has to start it over.

DRAFT CARD
A request slip with someone’s name on it who has not volunteered to sing.

DRIVE-BY
Cruising past a show trying to estimate how big the rotation is without making the “commitment” of walking in.

FAREOKE
A venue that charges you to sing and /or makes you pay a cover charge to get in.

FAKE VIRGIN
A person performing on a karaoke stage claiming to be on stage for the first time, but has sung in front of audiences before.

FAUX BOOST
The act of complimenting a singer’s not so good performance.

FIRE DRILL
Any song that causes a large group of people to head for the nearest exit.

GERMICROPHOBIA
The fear of “catching something” from the last singer by using the same microphone…resulting in the singer trying any of a dozen “sneaky” ways to wipe off the mic.

GHOST SINGER
A person who puts in a song, promptly disappears until they are called, then mysteriously re-appears.

GLAREOKE
Unable to read the monitor because the KJ positioned a spotlight right in your face.

HAILMARYOKE
When an overly pious individual approaches you to pray for your soul after you have sung and offensive song.

HAIRYOKE
Sorry, only 80’s metal singers allowed.

HARIKARIOKE
Equating the fear of karaoke with suicide.

HIT AND RUN
Someone who hangs around just long enough to sing, then vaporizes without a word.

HOLLYWOOD KISSES
The annoying, plastic comments intended to gain favor from a host…(often recognizable because of the repeated use of the word “Really”).

HOMOCIDE
When a singer performs a song he or she has never performed before (see suicide), and knows from the very start that the performance will be quite bad.

HUNTING SEASON
The time where people who don’t normally go to certain karaoke show will go, IF THERE’S A CONTEST.

I-DON’TCAREOKE
Singing for a dead crowd.

ILLUSIONIST
A singer whose voice is in complete conflict with their looks….(Example, she’s dressed like Patsy Cline, and next thing you know she breaks out with the Guns ‘N Roses).

IMPAIRAOKE
When dancers on the floor or other singers block you view of the TV monitor.

IRRITAGENT
A non-singer who represents their “friend” to the host…and tries to get the KJ to move them up because they are “so much better a singer than all the rest of these guys”.

KARABOO
The discouraged practice of letting a singer know that despite what the host said, the singer actually stank to high hell!

KARACHOKIE
When you try a song you’ve never done before, and blow it badly.

KARAADULTERY
Someone who sings a duet with one person and leaves the bar with another.

KARAFLARE
The act of flicking cigarette lighters or matches in order to pay homage to a particular song.

KARAGLYPHICS
Unreadable scribbling on a song request slip.

KARAHOKIE
Those so called “standards” which are so far out that no one in their right mind ever does them.

KARAHOOCHIE
A singer, usually of the female persuasion that gets way too friendly with the KJ, not caring if they are attached, or if their significant other is in the bar at the time.

KARALLOQUIAL DIALECT
The different ways to pronounce the word “Karaoke” based on what region a person is from.

KARAMPUTEE
Someone who’s been cut out of rotation for one reason or another.

KARAMUCK
The unidentifiable substance between the pages in a songbook which causes them to stick together.

KARANDROGYNOUS
Being able to sing male and female parts of certain songs.

KARAOKE
What pall bearers do at a funeral in Oklahoma.

KARAOKE ALZHEIMERS
A singer turns in a song, then 5 minutes later comes up and asks the KJ what they put in.

KARAOKE PARANOIA
A condition which makes a singer go up every 3 minutes to ask when they’re up.

KARAOKE STUTTERER
Someone who tries to sing along to s skipping disc.

KARAOKEPHOBIA
When someone is so scared of karaoke, that they push the book away from them as if it were and odious thing will metaphysically transport them on stage if they open it.

KARA-OPHIE
That annoying kid who shows up every week and bellows into the mic while adoring parent(s) look on as the rest of the place holds their ears.

KARAOGRE
The loner who never talks to anyone, never sits with anyone and is always a grouch.

KARACUTIE
The girl who sings gawdawful, but is so darn cute all the guys don’t care and cheer her on.

KARAP
Any song that makes you want to KARABOO.

KARASLINKY
A microphone cord which refuses to straighten out, no matter which way you try to unwind it.

KARASMOKIE
A KJ who abuses the fog machine, making it impossible to breath or see your mic.

KARASOAPIES
Those people who cannot resist telling you all about the latest trails and tribulations in their lives.

KARAENEMA
The art of pulling a song out of you a** when you least expect it.

KROAKIE
A singer who did Mariah Carey at the show the night before, and is now limited to Joe Cocker and Kim Carnes tunes.

LAYAWAY
Someone who turns in a blank request slip just to get into rotation.

LIQUID COURAGE
Any alcoholic beverage that facilitates a singer coming up on stage.

LYRICTOSIS
A dreaded disease contracted by karaoke software manufactures who get the lyrics ridiculously wrong.

MALSETTO
Singers who “breathe” their way through a power song.

MARTINESQUE
The type of singer that sings while simultaneously holding a drink and a cigarette in their free hand.

McMICROPHONE
A mic of such low quality that, instead of clapping, the audience asks a singer if they could “have some fries with that”.

MILLI VANILLI
A singer that goes up with another person, then won’t take the microphone, and just stands there and mouths the words the whole time.

MILLIONAIREOKE
An independently wealthy singer who has no other job besides owning a car lot.

MONDEGREEN (AN ACTUAL TERM)
Printed lyrics on CDG’s that sound similar to, but are in fact not the real lyrics of a given song.

NE’EROKE
You set up the show and no one will sing.

NICOMAGNETISM
The mysterious quality of cigarette smoke to waft towards the singers at the table, regardless of position.

NOM DE MIC
A fake name someone uses to cheat their way to the top of the rotation.

NOTHEREOKE
When the nest person you call up has left without telling you.

ORPHAN
A person who was “ditched” by their friends and inevitably ends up asking the KJ for a ride home.

OVERMADULATOR
A singer who constantly screams into the microphone. Everything they sing sounds like it’s being performed by Megadeth…even “The Rose”.

PARTYTIMEOKE
When you just go out to sing, get drunk, fall down and get up and sing some more.

PHLEGMIC CELLULOSE
That unidentified moist substance that breeds in microphone covers.

PITCHFORKING
Changing the key of a song so radically that the background singers sound like they’re either on Quaaludes or helium.

PORT-A-POTTY
Taking the wireless mic into the bathroom in order to avoid “tap dancing”.

PRAIRIEOKE
Too many country songs in a row.

PREMATURE CLAP
Clapping before the song is actually over.

PROJECTION IMPAIRED
When a singer sings so quietly that a KJ has to turn the mic up to the point of feedback.

PROOFREADER
Someone who always has to point out the typos in the songbook.

PSEUDOHOST
A singer who tries to act like a KJ, but is completely devoid of “people skills”.

QUICK CHANGE ARTIST
Someone who changes their song more than 3 times a night…usually right before they sing.

RAREOKE
Singing a Sound Choice Eagles song.

RECYCLER
Someone who changes their mind and scratches out their song so many times, that eventually they are forced to use the back of the request form.

REPEAT OFFENDER
Someone who pipes up with a cliché like “Is this thing on?” Thinking it’s funny….completely unaware that hundreds of other people have already said it that night.

ROTATION
The order in which customers of karaoke establishments will sing. Usually determined by the order in which customers make requests to sing and altered by additions of customers arriving later at the establishment than others. If used correctly and ethically time on stage will be allocated fairly to all people who wish to sing.

ROTATIONIRRATATUS
Happens when you see the same person singing 12 duets in one rotation and there are only 13 singers!

SCAMMEROKE
Singing behind the scene to make your friend sound much better than they are.

SCARYOKE
Attempting a song for the first time and you’re pretty sure it’s gonna suck.

SHAREOKE
When you and some of your friends “tag-team” through a song, or you wander around with a cordless mic and get others to sing with you.

SNOOZYOKE
Condition caused by too many slow songs in one rotation.

SOLITAREOKE
When the KJ is forced to sing back to back because there are no sign ups yet.

SPECIAL REQUEST
The most common excuse for a host to sing in a 50 person rotations, even though the person requesting the song will never be identified.

STANLEY AND LIVINGSTONED
The extremely drunk singer who always wanders off right before their turn, and their friends who is sent to go find them.

STAREEOKE
The local drunk’s awkward first encounter with singing and attempting to follow the words on the screen.

SUICIDE
When a singer performs a song he or she has never performed before.

SWEARINOKE
Someone who changes the songs lyrics in order to cuss just for the hell of it.

SWEAROKE
Any song sung deliberately to offend.

TAP DANCER
Someone who didn’t make it to the bathroom before their song came up.

THE DARK SIDE OF KARAOKE
People who take karaoke TOO SERIOUSLY and cleave to it to fill deep emotional voids. If it weren’t for karaoke, they’d be on the rooftop with an AK-47. “Dark-Siders” can be easily be identified by dropping by a location 3 hours before the show starts, they’ll be sitting there waiting.

THE EEBIE FREEBIES
That unnerving and irritating feeling a bartender gets when a water drinker sits down at the bar.

THE NUTCRACKER SWEAT
The terror experienced by a male singer before singing any Peter Cetera song.

TITLEIST
Someone who calls themselves the “QUEEN” or “KING” of karaoke, but usually sings like Roseanne Barr.

TOKIOKE
Refers to anyone trying to sing while stoned or on a hallucinogen.

TUTOR
Someone who always has to help others fill out their request slips and find songs.

TYPHOID KARY
Any idiot who sings with a communicable illness.

ULTRASONIC
Songs that are so high that only dogs can hear them (anything by Mariah Carey).

UNFAIROKE
The person who complains after losing a contest.

VIBRATO NON GRATA
‘Trilling’ your voice inappropriately on every note of a song, to the point that you sound like you’re singing in an earthquake.

VIRGIN
A person performing on a karaoke stage for the first time ever in their life.

WANNARODIE
People who insist on trying to help break down equipment, over the objections of the host.

WARYOKE
You get up to sing in a group song but no way, no how will you get near the mic.

WEARYOKE
The third time you hear “Goodbye Earl” in a single night (feel free to insert your favorite song here).

WHEREEOKE
The frantic search for a singing fix when a karaoke junkie visits a new town.